


The Dog Days Are Over

by FineSpecimenRetrieved



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Earth C (Homestuck), F/F, Fluff, HSBB2019, Healing, Homestuck Big Bang 2019, Marriage Proposal, Mutual Pining, Non-Binary Calliope, Non-Binary Roxy Lalonde, POV Rose Lalonde, POV Third Person, Political Bullshit, Politics, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sibling Bonding, Survivor Guilt, Therapy, Trauma, Unreliable Narrator, Useless Lesbians, Women Loving Women
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-03-29 21:15:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19028080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FineSpecimenRetrieved/pseuds/FineSpecimenRetrieved
Summary: Winning the Game was the easy part.Rebuilding was harder.(In which a bunch of kids are tasked with building a new civilisation, trauma doesn’t really disappear with the creation of a new universe, and bureaucracy is a universal constant that Rose Lalonde really wishes she doesn’t have to deal with.)





	The Dog Days Are Over

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [FineSpecimenRetrieved](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FineSpecimenRetrieved/pseuds/FineSpecimenRetrieved) in the [New_Beginnings_Big_Bang_2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/New_Beginnings_Big_Bang_2019) collection. 



> This monstrosity was produced over the course of several months and much procrastination. It was finally finished at 5 AM one morning, and spans a ridiculous 36 pages. Quick heads up, Roxy is at first referred to with she/her pronouns before he comes out, just so you know. 
> 
> A big thank you to the excellent artists [Fox](url) and [Lightfire24](https://lightfire24.tumblr.com/post/185535919088/this-was-super-fun-to-work-on-see-i-got-to-be), who are incredibly talented and were lovely to work with!

There was a moment of silence as the magnitude of everything finally washed over her, as Rose slowly realised that it was over. They’d won against the Batterwitch, they’d won against Jack Noir, they’d won against Lord English.

They won the Game.

All those years, all the casualties and grief and tears. All for this very moment, for the reward they had never wanted, but would get anyway. The new universe swirled around them, a reconstructed Earth glittering above their heads as they waited to enter it, promising the future and peace and rest.

They won.

And she felt empty.

Cheated, in a way.

This was what they had prepared for? This was the final battle that would ultimately decide the fate of the universe and themselves?

This was their reward?

It was almost laughable at how quickly they were able to take down the Condesce once they found an opening. How easy it was for Roxy (your mother, your daughter, which was she, who was she?) to slide her sword through the bitch’s ribs, pretty pink blood spilling to the floor and staining the purple steps. From Rose’s brief conversation with Dave, it was the same for them once they managed to keep the Jacks in place, though it had the added casualty of Dirk (your father, your brother?). But Jane had managed to bring him back to life, and he now stood sheepishly next to a fawning Roxy, limbs stiff as she smothered him in hugs.

Rose couldn’t stop the jealousy rising in her chest, slowly filling the empty cavity with something bitter and mean. But she pushed it down. Not now, not here. She didn’t know them. She didn’t know Roxy. Not properly, not really, despite their conversation, their… bonding. Roxy had known Dirk for far longer. Rose had no entitlement to her at all.

It didn’t stop the sour taste in her mouth, the sense of being lost and adrift, without purpose, without meaning. She hated herself for it, hated the confusion and the lingering question of ‘what now?’, because she didn’t know. She was supposed to be a Seer of Light, supposed to know everything and feel grounded in her knowledge. But now, she couldn’t See anything. Couldn’t understand what’s going to happen next.

And it terrified her.

The whispers of the Horrorterrors had grown quiet, mere murmurs compared to the hisses she heard in her head several months before. The future was clouded, uncertain, and she felt useless. Throat burning, she wanted to cry.

But everyone around her was celebrating, smiles and laughter echoing on the platform. They watched their new universe be created, watched as Jade flung their broken planet into the air. Rose tried to plaster on a small smile she didn’t feel, tried to shove herself into gratitude and joy, but the emptiness grew. This was the most favourable outcome. They had achieved the best possible result, and yet, she felt like she had lost.

What now, her mind wondered, what now?

Suddenly, she spotted Kanaya and the tension eased slightly, warmth and love spinning in her heart. Her girlfriend caught her eye and smiled, fangs glinting in the gentle light of the new universe around them, and Rose ached. It was easy to walk up to her, to let her smile form into a real one, and she pressed a gentle kiss to her lover’s cheek while the urge to curl up and sob trembled beneath her skin. Kanaya giggled softly, kissed her properly, but soon pulled away and frowned, looking at her in worry.

“Are you alright, my love?” she asked quietly, warm hands encasing hers, gaze turning concerned. Rose didn’t answer, didn’t want to answer, so she tugged Kanaya closer and rested her head in the crook of her neck. She tried to gather some comfort to calm the storm down and Kanaya wordlessly held her, arms encircling around her protectively.

[Lightfire24](https://lightfire24.tumblr.com/post/185535919088/this-was-super-fun-to-work-on-see-i-got-to-be)

“I was so worried,” she whispered softly into her hair, “but we’re safe now. We’re going to be okay.”

It sounded like a promise, and Rose choked the tears down.

She let herself stay that way for a moment, but pulled away before her girlfriend became more anxious, more worried. They had both been through enough, they didn’t need to deal with her ridiculous feelings right now. Not as the excitement on the platform slowly simmered down, a white house forming before them, grand and blank and hinting at the future. Slowly, everyone began to crowd around it, and she gripped onto Kanaya’s hand tightly, the two of them walking up to the house.

Jade grinned at her, ears twitching in anticipation and Rose sent a smile back. She waved with her free hand, but she could spot the tension in Jade’s eyes, the wariness in her body. Once again, they were all stepping into the unknown. But the promise of something great had tainted by the fire that SBURB had burned them with before. And yet, the others didn’t seem to notice, or if they did, then they were hiding it well, trying to pretend for a moment that everything was fine. They volunteered John to open it, because he was the beginning of all of this, and he deserved to lead them to their reward.

The blue swirl of the handle crackled as he reached for it, ozone in the air and static on their skin. Rose squeezed Kanaya’s hand desperately, eyes fluttering shut as her girlfriend squeezed back, just as tightly.

And thus, the door opened.

-

Earth C was beautiful, and Rose loved it and hated it in equal measure. It was green, it was peaceful, but every time she stumbled over the crumbling remains of a building long gone, she wanted to weep. And yet, for a few days, everything had been… almost blissful. The group had agreed to rest and recuperate before they would start rebuilding, had needed time to adjust and accept this new reality. It was strange, to have a sense of finality, of security after years of uncertainty. It left everyone on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop as they hesitantly enjoyed this period of rest. They had been fooled once, twice, enough times to feel the desperate urge to secure their lives, their future, for their descendants, to whoever managed to thrive after they flung themselves into the future. It had been a tentative plan, an idea to give their future civilisation the opportunity to grow without the looming presence of Gods, and because they were all inherently selfish and tired.

They were tired of having the responsibilities of the world, the universe laid at their feet, the knowledge that only they could save the world and rebuild. They would start the process, but would leave others to continue it, at least for a few millennia.

There was an underlying tension in everyone, an impatient need to get started as soon as possible, but Rose wanted to pretend for a bit. She wanted to play house with Kanaya for just a little while. They would start rebuilding at the end of the week, but for now, she wanted to celebrate. She wanted to listen to Kanaya try to speak broken English rather than rely on Rose’s God tier ability to speak and understand every language, wanted to explore and cook and dance together, to love and be loved. She wanted to rest her head against her girlfriend’s chest and listen to the strange, alien heartbeat that had become her lullaby.

Those few days were almost perfect, filled with laughter and love and joy, exploring this new world hand in hand, words of whispered adoration beneath a canopy of trees, gentle kisses beneath the light of the moon, slow dances in the privacy of a clearing. It had been… glorious, a confirmation of Rose’s own desire to spend the rest of her life with Kanaya, to keep this wonderful woman close by her side for as long as she wanted to stay. She knew Trolls didn’t really have anything ‘definite’ like marriage, but there was something gentle, something soft and warm about the chance to call Kanaya her wife, something deeper and more profound. It was absolutely ridiculous of course, but humans had never been the smartest. And for those few days, she considered asking, tentatively, carefully, about the future.

Their future.

It had never been something they fully discussed, not without the looming eventuality of the battle to come and the likely probability of their complete and utter obliteration. And yet a small part of Rose had always known that it would only ever be Kanaya. Even in death, it would have only been her.

But they survived. They succeeded, they won, and now she was painfully aware that she could be with her forever. She could spend the rest of her days with the feeling of completeness, with the security and love and support that Kanaya gave her. If she wanted.

And then, one warm spring evening, as they relaxed on a picnic blanket beneath the golden glow of the setting sun, Kanaya told her she was leaving.

The warmth had immediately fallen away and a bitter cold took its place, despite the heat of the late spring sun. For a few seconds, she couldn’t speak. Couldn’t think past the echoing words churning in her mind.

Leaving?

She was leaving?

“What?” spilled out of Rose’s lips, shock and a creeping horror flooding her chest.

“I’m leaving,” Kanaya repeated again, patiently, kindly, finally. A desperate hope swelled up within her, and she prayed that she had misunderstood, that Kanaya simply meant she was leaving the picnic to go back to their temporary home, that she wasn’t leaving-

“I’ll start to pack up then,” she said quickly, heart pounding frantically as she waited for the confirmation, that she had just made a mistake and that they were fine, that Rose hadn’t fucked up massively down the line without realising it until this moment.

“Oh! No, I should have been clearer, I didn’t meant leaving the picnic. Your English is very strange sometimes. We can leave the picnic of course, but what I mean is that I am... leaving you for a while? Is how you say it?”

Rose felt numb. She… was asking for a break? Had… had she been too clingy these past few days? Too overbearing, too ridiculous, or silly, or had she just… had enough?

“Did… I do something?” she asked quietly, hands slowly curling into fists as she lowered her head and focused her eyes on the pattern on the blanket. They were burning, unshed tears welling up even as she furiously tried to blink them away. She was going to handle this with dignity, she could cry and scream later. “Did I do something wrong?”

“What? No, why would you think that?” Kanaya sounded confused, her accented English becoming thicker, vowels sounding like the chirps of Alternian, and she peered curiously at her. “My love, is everything alright?”

Why was she still calling her that if she was breaking up with her? The distress slowly bled into bewilderment, and she lifted up her head to look into the worried and hesitant face of her lover.

“Are you breaking up with me?” Rose questioned bluntly, her heart fluttering desperately, clenching in grief and hope as she waited for an answer. Kanaya’s brow furrowed deeper, as she mulled the words over.

“Breaking…? Breaking what up?”

“Our relationship. You said you were leaving me.”

“Yes, I am leaving, but… Oh… Oh! No! No, no, no, Rose, my love, my dear, I am not leaving this relationship!” Rose let out a dry sob, relief flooding her system as she slumped over, and Kanaya quickly huddled closer, grabbing her face with gentle hands.

“I’m not leaving you in that way,” she clarified in Alternian, “I meant I was physically leaving for a while to complete my quest! Oh fuck, I should have been more explicit, I’m so sorry, your English is so confusing when trying to refer to specific things!”

She pressed a smooth kiss to her lips, and Rose desperately continued it, just to make sure, absolutely sure that she was still here, that she wasn’t- That she wasn’t-

“I love you,” she blurted out, all hesitation out the window. It didn’t matter if Kanaya didn’t fully return it, if she didn’t completely understand it, but Rose had to tell her. “I love you, more than I could ever fully describe, more than I can completely explain, and I know Trolls don’t really have something similar to this, but I want you to know that I love you.”

She blinked for a moment, and then a pretty, gorgeous smile spread across her face, and Rose felt her love and adoration for this incredible woman swell up inside her chest.

“I didn’t fully understand what you meant with human love before, but with you? Here and now? It all makes sense,” she whispered lovingly, fingers tracing her cheek, eyes burning as bright as her skin.

“I love you too, Rose.” The English was still thick and the consonants were trilled, but she couldn’t care less, couldn’t care about anything other than her lover in her arms, the kisses on her lips, the never-ending warmth she felt when she was with her.

  
[Fox](https://twitter.com/floaromatown/status/1139000496210042885?s=21)

It was only later, after the sky had turned dark and the stars had come out, after they let themselves waltz in the glow of the moonlight and Kanaya’s skin, that Rose thought to ask further.

“What did you mean by leaving? Where to?” They were back down on the picnic blanket, hand in hand as they watched the velvet sky above them.

“As you know, my Denizen gave me the task to repopulate the Troll race. Since Roxy managed to recreate the Matriorb, and as I will be quite useless in the upcoming tasks, I thought it would be best to try and find a suitable habitat to hatch and raise the Mother Grub. I wanted to tell you first,” Kanaya explained softly, and Rose nodded.

“When do we leave?”

Kanaya bit her lip, hesitation in her eyes, before she gently shook her head.

“I will be leaving tomorrow. This… This is something I have to do alone.” She fidgeted quietly, gleaming eyes focused on the pattern of the picnic cloth, even as Rose found herself freezing, found herself confused and unsure once more.

“What? But… it could be dangerous, you could get hurt, or- Kanaya, I really think it would be better if I-” she tried to argue, but her lover quickly interrupted.

“No, Rose, you don’t understand. This quest was assigned to me alone, by myself, and this… This is something personal.” Rose started to protest, but Kanaya cut her off, face hardening into something determined and stubborn.

“This is the future of the Trolls,” she stated proudly, strongly, hope and desire coating her voice, “of my race, with secrets only my caste has known for thousands of sweeps. I… love you very dearly Rose, but you’re an outsider in this. I’m not even bringing Karkat or Terezi. This is my duty as a Jade.”

Rose shook her head, disbelief and confusion rattling in her mind, forehead wrinkled in thought.

“But the caste system doesn’t exist anymore! There’s no reason for you to do this by yourself, that’s just… How are you even going to raise her? We’re making the descendents in a few months and then leaving, are you just… are you just going to stay here? Enslave yourself to this for a duty that no longer exists?” Even as she spoke, she knew she was saying the wrong things, wasn’t understanding properly, but she didn’t want to understand this. It didn’t make sense, it was absurd in her mind, it wasn’t-! She just wanted Kanaya to stay, or at the very least, take her with her. but from the darkening look on her face, the slow anger crawling into her eyes, the possibility was slimming with every word she spoke.

“Enslave? _Enslave_? This is my willing choice, this is so much more than just… I would stay until she hatched, then teach the Carapacians to look after her until we returned! This isn’t enslavement Rose, this is responsibility! My responsibility! Something you don’t seem to have.” Kanaya muttered the last part, but Rose heard. Oh, she heard, and bitterness flooded her mouth.

“Excuse me? I was responsible enough during the Game, even killed myself for it, so I’m sorry if I want to take a bit of a fucking break! At least I’m not traipsing off for God knows how long on some stupid mission that could kill me!”

“I am perfectly capable of surviving by myself! I survived perfectly well back on that dump of a planet I called home and on that stupid meteor, all without being God Tier!”

“It’s more serious than that! I know you’re strong but what if you get trapped under a rockslide? What if you get hit by a huge boulder and can’t get up? What then? Kanaya, please, I don’t even have to watch you, if I could just-!” Her voice turned pleading, desperate, because she just… she couldn’t watch her leave and never return. But Kanaya was firm, face stony and convinced.

“Rose, no, stop you don’t understand, this is bigger than you! I have to do this alone, I’m the only one who can do this-!”

“Why? Why do you have to be the only fucking one? That’s… that’s just arrogance!”

Kanaya gave a searing glare, fists clenched in anger as she scoffed loudly.

“You talk about arrogance as though you don’t hold yourself superior to absolutely everyone, even me, simply because you’ve achieved God Tier, because you’re so knowledgeable and smart and cunning, but at least it’s not my only fucking qualification!”she hissed out, but the blind fury slowly dripped out, the cold set of her face smudging into regret as Rose felt herself tense up in shame and rage. “Wait. I- That was-!”

“Really? My only qualification? I’m not the one who only seems to become useful at the last possible moment, I’m not the one who had to be killed before she took action, I’m not-!”

Kanaya stood up, snatched the picnic basket and blanket from beneath her with a strength that normally made her swoon, and stormed off, her skin flickering like sparks as she stomped down the length of the hill.

For a few more moments, the anger lingered, poisonous words and bitter accusations resting at the back of her throat, but it wasn’t long before she choked them back and breathed. A hollow weight rested in her chest, the argument playing over and over in her mind, regret and fear spinning in her mind.

Everything had spun out of control, out of her grip. There was no logic to either one of their furious accusations, nothing more behind them than blind anger and a need to make the other hurt as badly as they felt. Rose didn’t mean any of this, just as she knew Kanaya didn’t really mean anything she was saying either, but in the heat of the moment, it didn’t matter.

They knew each other well, extremely well, but the downside of it was that they knew where to aim to make it hurt. Of course, even in their uncaring wrath, there were topics that neither of them would touch, because some things went beyond the need to vent. It was a small mercy that Kanaya wouldn’t bring up her alcoholism, and she wouldn’t bring up Kanaya’s self-destructive desire to be needed, but everything else was fair game.

It hurt like hell.

They had never fought like this before, never fought with the need to lash out and scream. They’d argued before, knew it was healthy and normal for couples to argue sometimes, but this went beyond petty complaints about the dishes or socks on the floor. The main fact of it all was that she was absolutely terrified of losing her, of never knowing if she was alive or dead, of never hearing from her again.

She stayed in the grass until the morning light began to pool beneath the sky, until she had formulated a proper apology, until she knew Kanaya had cooled off. Dirt stuck to her palms where she had clenched the grass in her fists, small red lines denting her fingers, and she closed her eyes. Taking one last breath to steady herself, she opened her eyes, stood up, and made her way home.

(Rose tried to ignore the lack of tugging in her chest, the vacancy of knowledge that would reassure her everything was fine. Her powers hadn’t been working properly since they landed on Earth C, but it was fine, it was nothing, it was- She was fine.)

Their makeshift house was already lit by the morning sun when she walked in, cheerily peaking through their windows, but no other light inside was on. She swallowed heavily, hesitated, before calling out:

“Kanaya? Are you home?”

As no response came, her heart began to pound and the hollow weight became heavier. Fear flitted through her mind, desperate thoughts of abandonment and ruined relationships blaring loudly as she robotically walked in further.

“Kanaya?”

“Rose.”

The relief that shook through her almost left her gasping, but she forced herself to stand straight, to look Kanaya in the eyes, even as she wanted to throw herself at her and sob out apologies.

And then…

And then she saw the backpack at her feet, the apologetic but determined look in her face, the smudges of dried jade tears on her cheeks.

Rose couldn’t breathe.

“I’m leaving now but… I wanted to wait. To say goodbye so that we didn’t… I don’t know how long I’ll be and I didn’t want to leave with… that between us.”

“I thought we could talk,” she choked out, but Kanaya shook her head, stepped closer before hesitating.

“There’s nothing else to say, my love. I’ll be back, that I can promise you, but I… have to do this. And perhaps… a small break would be the best for both of us.”

Her tongue refused to form words, her mind that was usually so quick to formulate sentences completely quiet. Kanaya took another step forward, standing face to face with her, and slowly lifted a hand to cup her cheek.

“I love you,” she whispered out in English, pressing a kiss to her lips before moving away, but Rose reached up, grabbed her wrist and kept her hand against her cheek, trying to convey her apologies, her desperation, her sheer love. Kanaya gave a watery smile and pulled her closer, rested her forehead against hers despite the height different.

“I love you so much, more… more than I can describe Kanaya, and I’m just… I’m scared.” The last words were barely breaths against her lover’s skin, but she nodded nonetheless, heard them nonetheless.

“I’ll be careful. And we’ll call. Everyday, every evening whenever we’re free. And… I’m sorry. For what I said, I was angry and-”

“No, no, I’m sorry as well, it wasn’t- neither of us meant it. Besides, it’s… our first proper argument as a couple," she tried to say cheerfully, but the words tasted hollow in the face of Kanaya’s departure. She just continued to smile, the sadness melting into something warmer, something gentle and adoring. Without speaking, they leaned in and kissed again. They let the anger and bitterness from before fade into the past as they welcomed each other’s forgiveness and love. This would not break them. They would continue.

By the time they parted, the sun had risen past the horizon and their kitchen was lit up in the gold of the morning. Both of them knew the time had come. Kanaya wanted to make the most of daylight and Rose… Rose would have to talk with Roxy and the others, find out what her role would be in the days to come.

In the days of waiting.

-

A few hours Kanaya had left, the loneliness had begun to set in and Rose decided it would be best to make her way to Roxy, Jane, and Calliope’s place, to discuss what would happen next, to discuss her role, her job, whatever she should do in the upcoming days of work, but half-way to their home, she found herself changing direction, found herself on the pathway to Dave and Karkat’s home instead.

She loved Roxy but… their relationship wasn’t fully developed, was still in that awkward fledgling stage of found family, where none of them were sure where the boundaries were and what the accepted attitudes or actions towards each other were. But with Dave? Dave, her best friend for close to a decade, Dave, her brother whom she’d spent three years in close contact with, Dave, who was probably the only person who knew her better than Kanaya herself? She could talk to him, could easily spill the morning’s events to him and ask for a small piece of comfort.

Rose knew she was most likely interrupting them, but there was an unspoken agreement between the two siblings, a hushed acknowledgment that either of them could bother the other if they needed to, if the situation called for it. Dave had interrupted her evening readings with Kanaya countless times, draping himself across her shoulders and making sarcastic comments, trying to fill in the gap of loneliness that sometimes split open. She had done the same before, perched herself on the edge of the sofa while Dave and Karkat watched another shitty romcom, pointed out plot flaws and terrible characterisation, when the grief and isolation grew too much.

They loved their significant others dearly, but they needed to talk to other people as well, needed to gain some reassurance from the only familiar being left. It was both easier and harder to talk about Earth with Dave, easier since they both knew what it was like, and harder because they both knew what it was like. But they could both offer some semblance of familiarity in a foreign universe, in the unknown future.

That’s what siblings did, after all.

It was easy to knock on their door, force herself into a casual position, relax her face into impatience and humour, pretend the loss and desperation weren’t bubbling at the edge, but when the door swung open and Dave peered at her, irritated expression smoothing into worry, the facade cracked.

“Dave,” she choked out, barely able to keep the last dregs of her dignity out of public view, and he quickly grabbed her, pulled her in without hesitation, and shut the door.

She wasn’t one for crying, for… physical comfort usually. Had grown up without the latter, and was used to hiding the former. Crying was something she could only do in private, away from anyone and everyone, even those she loved. But it was easy to let the bottle split open, to grab her brother’s shirt and sob like a fucking child, despite the burn of shame that churned beneath her skin.

She could tell he was panicked, unsure, and yet he still held her tightly, still wrapped a hesitant arm around her shoulders as he led her to his couch, settled her down gently despite the uncomfortable position.

Rose didn’t know why she was crying so much, why she felt so affected by what previously occurred, after all, it had been an amicable separation, wasn’t even permanent, but there was no room for logic, for rational thought in her mind, in the swirl of emotions that she was normally able to keep under control.

He let her stay there for seconds, minutes, hours, one hand resting hesitantly, yet full of comfort on her back, the other fiddling with the hem of his shirt as she sobbed out her fear, grief, anger and desperate longing. God, she was pathetic, it hadn’t even been a few hours and she was already… she was already so distraught? For some reason, the self-reprimand made her want to cry harder, but she knew she had to calm down, had to at least give some explanation to her doubtlessly worried brother, who had dragged himself out of bed only to be launched with her ridiculous antics.

Much to her shame, it took her another few moments to finally calm down, to finally clamp down the hurricane of emotions that threatened to consume her. Not now though, she thought, not when she had already put Dave on the spot like this.

“Is Karkat here?” she croaked out into the silence, broken only by Dave’s quiet breathing and her occasional sniffs.

He didn’t respond immediately, hand lingering for a moment more before he slowly removed it, his posture awkward but worried.

“Nah,” his voice sounded light, but there was a tense undertone, nervousness and a sense of helplessness tingeing the sound. “Terezi called last night, she… wasn’t doing well, so he spent the night at hers.”

The only person with depression more obvious than John, was the walking disaster that was Terezi Pyrope. The troll had practically been joined at Vriska’s hip for three entire years, so to have that suddenly torn away from her with no warning, no explanation and no idea of when she would be back had probably shaken her to the very core.

(Rose steadfastly ignored the fact that she had basically been the same with Kanaya.)

“Oh. Is… is she alright?”

“I feel like I should be asking you that.”

There was no pretence of subtlety, no gentle avoidance of the mental breakdown she’d just experienced, and despite her heavy reluctance to expand upon her feelings, Rose knew she wouldn’t be getting out of this. And to be honest, she wasn’t sure if she even wanted to get out of this.

“Kanaya left this morning.” Dave’s eyebrows knitted together, confusing lining his face.

“Doesn’t she usually go on walks in the morning? Something about enjoying a ‘non-lethal sun that wouldn’t burn her optical orbs’ or whatever the word for eyes is?”

Rose ran her fingers over the tattered fabric of the sofa, not looking her brother in the eyes.

“Yes but…” How could she explain this without sounding like an abandoned lover? How could she formulate the sentence ‘Kanaya left me’, without the general connotations that sentence accompanied. Kanaya left her yes, but not permanently. They weren’t… on a break. She was just…

Gone.

“Kanaya has left me to hatch the Matriorb.” It’s strange to fully formulate, to let the truth slip from her lips. It’s an acknowledgement and a question of everything that happened, of their argument, Kanaya’s departure, the period of inbetween. It hadn’t fully sunk it yet, not completely.

“Like… forever?”

God, she didn’t know. She hoped not, Kanaya had said she wouldn’t but- what if she wanted to stay? What if she decided to remain with the Matriorb instead of jumping into the future, if she thought that her presence was more important than-

Than what? Their future? The life Rose had started to imagine for the two of them later on?

(Quiet dreams of marriage and love, a warm, cosy house in the country, maybe a few children running around. A huge garden to play around in, a room decorated in silk and fabrics and wool, walls covered in books from magicks to romance, an atmosphere of comfort and adoration coating her daydreams in an orange glow. Was it so wrong for her to want this? To want this life with the woman she loved, would love, for the rest of her days?)

It wasn’t fair. Not on her, not on Kanaya. Not when they hadn’t discussed any of this. If she had to, she would pack those dreams away, would squeeze them into the deepest corners of her mind, because she would rather be parted and pining after her lover than torn apart by resentment and conflicting hopes.

“I don’t know,” she said after a while, and Dave nodded slowly, fingers tapping nervously against his leg.

Rose narrowed her eyes. He seemed remarkably unsurprised, face set to a neutral acknowledgement of her words, no shock or confusion lining his brow. She knew her brother long enough to recognise his tells, the small movements of muscle that could reveal what his shaded eyes did not, and in that moment, she saw no surprise at all.

“You fucking bastard,” slipped out of her mouth. “You knew.”

Dave froze, face twisting into a grimace as he gripped his pajama pants tighter, shoulders shuddering into a half-hearted shrug.

“Not really,” he hedged, “I heard Kanaya talk to Karkat about something a few days ago, and he was getting agitated about something, so you know I just had to listen in, ‘cause if he was gonna rant about something, then obviously I wanted to listen yanno, but well, it wasn’t really their usual argument about Karkat’s dumb fashion sense so much as him angry whispering, so a normal fucking volume, at her to stay. But since trolls have like, freakish hearing, they stopped before I could hear anything else. So. Yeah.” He shrugged again, his lips set into a firm line, but there was a guilty hunch to his shoulders, and she breathed.

The heat leeched out of her voice, but she couldn’t stop the small pinprick of betrayal in her chest. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“And said what? ‘Oh hey sis, I was eavesdropping on Karkat and Kanaya talking some weird bullshit about leaving, think they’re gonna alien elope ha ha ha’? That answers like, no fucking questions, and is kinda dumb, because for all I knew, your alien vampire gee-eff was talking about leaving Karkat in the middle of their discussion or something, her eloping with the egg instead wasn’t exactly my first fucking thought.”

...Eloping… with the egg? Rose stared at her stupid, moronic brother, and much to her satisfaction, his cheeks heated up.

“Okay, look, I know you’re really fucking upset and I’m pretty pissed that Kanaya would just leave you like that but… it’s kinda hilarious? I just keep having this mental image of her slow dancing with- actually, maybe Karkat was right, I should really stop talking in sensitive situations,” he mumbled out, and she smiled slowly.

“Oh?”

“Okay- look. I will tell you about the time I implied to Terezi that Obama could save Vriska another time, but right now, we’re talkin’ about you. No changing the subject.” He playfully jabbed a finger into her shoulder, before letting his hand rest comfortingly on her shoulder. “For real though, are you… okay? Obviously not, ‘cause you were pretty fucking distraught before, but… do you wanna talk about it?”

They had spoken about… feelings before, discussion their mutual grief and trauma in seeing their respective guardians dead, though Dave’s mostly stemmed from his confused relief from seeing someone he should have loved dead, and it took several sessions of him talking and her just… listening for once, for both of them to conclude that Bro was a pretty shit human being and an even worse guardian. His only redeeming quality, Dave had said bitterly, was that he didn’t give a shit about him being trans, but even that was questionable.

(Rose wished the fucker was still alive so she could jam his pretentious glasses into his throat.)

They talked about their fear about meeting the alternate versions of their guardians, the worry and anxiety allowing them to just… talk. Dave was the first one she gushed to about Kanaya, and despite the initial unsure awkwardness between them, they eventually became more comfortable. Rose was the first person he told about Karkat, and she had teased him endlessly about it, while he continued to comment on her sappy adoration for her significant other. On a meteor full of trolls, they could only talk to each other about the more human aspects of relationships, of the strangeness of trying to navigate troll courting methods, the confusing aspects of troll society that they couldn’t understand.

But this almost felt different, a subtle weight hidden between emotions and words, and for once, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to talk to her brother about this. Despite the pretty recent revelation about their shared DNA, she knew that they had managed to become surprisingly close. Of course, they’d already had the foundation of friendship, but being siblings gave them an extra push towards mutual support and worry. They had done both of these things already before, but the acknowledged blood relation almost seem to give additional permission. They were allowed to push and needle each other where John and Jade would have had to back off, could pry out secrets that from each other that they had stored within them like old honey for years.

(Friendship with John and Jade was enjoyable and fun, but there was something secure and comforting about having a sibling, no matter what the blood relation was. Maybe, if there hadn’t been a three year interval, the four of them could have grown as close as that, could have built a family from hardship and grief. Blood, after all, didn’t necessarily make family, but there was too much distance, a subtle gap that still needed to be fixed properly, rather than temporarily bridged with short conversation and friendly nods.)

Yet Rose found herself hesitant to talk, to let Dave know all of her doubts and insecurities with Kanaya’s departure, to explain the thoughts she knew were foolish but couldn’t stop anyway, to fully accept the uncertainty of her significant other’s return.

“I don’t know,” she said finally, hands smoothing out imagined wrinkles from her skirt, and her brother nodded again. “There’s just so much and I- God, I don’t even know what to say, where to begin.”

Dave thoughtfully tapped out a beat on the cloth of the tattered sofa.

“How about the beginning? And then we’ll see how that goes.”

She stilled from her fidgeting. She supposed it would be best, if she didn’t want to go too deep into detail, she could just… leave out the more emotional parts.

So with a soft hum and the beat of an unfinished melody, Rose began to talk.

-

Rationally, she knew she was being ridiculous. Barely a week had passed, and Rose was fully aware that her pining had reached near unbearable levels. However, snippets of phone calls and quick texts really, really weren’t enough to fill in the gentle ache that had been carved within her when Kanaya left. Still, she supposed her moping was starting to be just a smidge overdramatic, especially after Dave began a ‘mournful and tragic sigh counter’.

(Dave was a fucking liar, she absolutely did not sigh forty times in an hour. It was, at most, fifteen times.)

As a result, it was no real surprise when Roxy called her over for a ‘fun mother-daughter-sister hang-out day’, particularly when it started to become clear that Rose still had no real role or responsibility to complete for the next few months. It was an unspoken acknowledgement that Roxy was the leader; her natural charisma, ability to boost morale with a few words and overwhelming kindness and support made her the obvious choice for leadership.

She was the one who determined their need to build up some foundations of society if they wanted to return to civilisation in the future, who had created and organised an expansive list of things they had to do to achieve this, whose orders and plans people followed without question. Rose suspected that she had come up with a potential job for her to do to distract her from Kanaya’s quest.

There hadn’t been too much outrage at her departure from the others, mainly confusion, neutral acceptance or slight worry in Jane’s case. She raised concerns about overpopulation, but was quickly reassured by Karkat’s explanation that the reason so many trolls were born was because anyone of a reproducing age _had_ to send off their genetic material. Without that law in place, there would be less batches of grubs born to make up for the ridiculous troll mortality rate. He also pointed out that troll couples, especially interracial couples, would be more likely to use the ectobiology machine if they wanted children.

Since the current population of trolls rested at three, the Mother Grub was primarily going to be used to expand those numbers (into a reasonable amount he quickly added), most likely with the help of the carapacians until there was an acceptable number of mature trolls to tend to the Mother Grub. At a later stage, she would probably only be used to promote genetic variation within the population, since you could only do so many generations of ecto-clones before veering into incest. Jane had been embarrassed at her outburst, but despite his initial anger, Karkat had been quick to clear up any misconceptions or problems.

He had been frustrated and hurt at first by her sudden take of leave, but recognised the necessity. Terezi hadn’t seemed to care too much altogether, but Rose didn’t think the two of them had been close in the first place. If she was honest, Terezi didn’t seem close to many people these days. She let herself be dragged along by Dave and Karkat, would respond to John and his comments in the liveliest manner she had seen her since Vriska’s disappearance, but she held herself detached from everyone else. It was a strange and depressing limbo that Rose desperately didn’t want to fall in, which was why she so readily accepted Roxy’s request to hang out.

She didn’t want to fall into the same destructive pining that Terezi was going through, not when there was still the possibility of Kanaya’s return. Terezi… didn’t have that. Didn’t have some security that her… other would return.

But there was still the lingering feeling of an end, that perhaps, things were too badly damaged to continue. They had argued before, over alcohol, over boundaries, over meddling and the future, but it had always been solved soon enough, a compromise or agreement being reached before the day ended.

It had never ended unfinished, with a few placating words and an empty bed, with the hanging knowledge that there was a chance that the last words she ever said to the woman she loved were bitter and cruel. There had been arguments before, but they had never left her so lost, so alone, so painfully aware of the love and adoration she felt for Kanaya. The future had never been something they fully discussed, not without the looming eventuality of the battle to come, of the likely probability of their complete and utter obliteration, but a small part of Rose had always know that it would only ever be Kanaya. Even in death, it would have only been her.

But they survived. They succeeded, they won, and now she was painfully aware that she could be with her forever, could spend the rest of her days with the feeling of completeness, of security and love and support that Kanaya gave her. If she wanted.

But she was gone now, off to hatch the Matriorb, to raise the Mother Grub until she had grown completely and could be looked after by future generations to come. She had planned to teach the Carapacians how to care for the Mother Grub until their troll descendents were fully grown and able to take over.

And yet, none of the Trolls had any idea on how long it could take to hatch the Matriorb, for the Mother Grub to grow into an adult.

For Kanaya to come home.

If she even came home.

Shortly after the invitation, Rose showed up to Jane, Calliope and Roxy’s house, desperate to stop the swirling fears that continued to gnaw at her sanity. She felt slightly idiotic, holding a bottle of fancy apple juice that Dave had given to her as a ‘housewarming present’ a while back, but Jane eagerly took her inside, and she let her chatter drag her away from any awkwardness.

“Dad and I are trying our best you see, but we’re businessmen, not politicians, although we used to joke that there isn’t much of a difference. The fact remains that we’re a bit out of sorts with all the legislation and such,” she explained heartily, as she led her into their living room. “Sorry it’s just us for a bit, Roxy’s still trying to cook. She wouldn’t even let me help and I was heiress to a baking company! Although, well, it had a more nefarious background, but that doesn’t stop my abilities! Still, Roxy’s quite desperate to impress you with ‘mad cooking skillz’, even though the toast is often burnt in the morning whenever Roxy decides to make breakfast in bed for Calliope and me.”

“Oh she shouldn’t have, I would be quite content with whatever,” Rose tried to protest, but was cut off by the startled look on her host’s face. “Is… everything alright?”

“Oh yes yes, I was just… God you sound so much like Dirk. I can definitely see the family relation, hoo hoo hoo!”

She shuffled self-consciously, even as she forced a smile onto her face. “I wouldn’t really know, I haven’t had the chance to speak much with him yet.”

Jane gave another chuckle. “I’m not surprised, he’s an absolute workaholic that one. I don’t think he’s ever taken a day off in his life! That’s why he has us though, hoo hoo hoo!”

They sat in silence for a moment, and Rose felt the awkwardness return full force. She hadn’t really spoken much with Jane either, her only real memories of her being flashes of red and the warmth of healing during the battle with the Condesce.

“So!” Jane burst out suddenly, startling her out of her musings, and she turned to look at the other woman. “How have you been, Rose?”

“I’ve been… adequate. It’s difficult, obviously, but I’m managing… okay, I believe. Looking forward to helping with the rebuilding.”

“Perfect! Because Roxy’s already come up with a plan of jobs and we initially weren’t sure where to put you, but… well, Roxy will tell you more later.”

“I look forward to it. How is your father?”

“Oh he’s wonderful! He’s off having some dinner with the Monarch tonight, so we have the house to ourselves! But say, Rose, how are you with politics?”

Rose may have only observed her mother’s work dinners from afar, but she was pretty sure that politics weren’t polite conversation.

“I… wasn’t aware there was any yet?”

“Oh if only, but unfortunately, politics seems like it’s a universal constant! As I said before, my dad and I are helping out the Prospitian Monarch where we can but we’re not really well versed in the politics side. I fear some of the other factions are smelling blood!”

Rose really wasn’t aware that the Carapacians even _had_ politics. Or that there could be political disunity. Didn’t they just agree to whatever the monarch decreed?

“I… see.” She really didn’t. “What seems to be the main problem?”

“What isn’t a problem? Goodness me, I swear those bastards only like being contrary for the sake of arguing. Oh, the welfare program isn’t up to Prospitian standards! Oh, the jail proposal isn’t as refined as the Dersite system! God, they never shut up. Of course it isn’t refined! It’s a proposal you incoherent sack of-!”

“Rosie! Is Jane chatting your ear off about how difficult the Carapacians can be?”

Oh thank god. To her credit, Jane did look slightly embarrassed at her tirade, and began to apologise, but Rose was already waving her off, turning to look at Roxy.

She blinked.

“Your hair looks nice,” Rose blurted out, and Roxy beamed, eyes bright and delighted. Her- Their (?) hair was cut significantly shorter, a simple bob that reminded Rose of Dave, yet it was tastefully mussed. It suited Roxy very well, and Rose couldn’t stop the fond smile on her face.

“Thanks! Callie was a sweetheart and did it for me! I thought… since we’re here and this is a new beginning and all of that, it’s the best time for me to… not change, but just… oh wow this is pretty fuckin’ difficult,” sh- they wheezed out, and Rose reached out, placing her hand on the other’s arm.

“You can take your time with this, there’s no need to rush anything you feel uncomfortable doing,” she explained softly, but Roxy shook their head.

“I wanna tell ya, Rosie, you’re my sister. And my mom, but more my sister. It’s just a haircut but… it’s more than that, yanno? For me at least. I’ve been thinkin’ about gender a lot lately, and how… weird it is to me to fit into it and stuff like that.” They scratched at their arms awkwardly, Calliope and Jane giving them an encouraging smile. “I’m probs not explaining it great but… fuck gender! Me n’ Callie are non-binary as fuck! It’s a they/them party up in here, with guest of honors Jane and Rose! If that… makes sense. So uh, that’s the haps, Rosie.”

Rose chuckled and leaned forward to wrap her sibling in a hug. “It sounds quite exciting. I’m happy for all of you.”

Roxy wrapped their arms tightly around her, squeezing her gently and giving a content sigh. It felt… good to be held like this, to have some contact outside of Dave and general touches. Roxy was an excellent hugger and there was just something comforting and calming about their presence, forcing the tension that had clung to Rose ever since Kanaya’s departure away.

“Man, I knew you’d be fine with it, but like… I still felt nervous yanno?” They sighed again and gave her another squeeze before pulling away.

“So,” Rose said after a few moments had passed, “dinner?”

“Oh fuck.” Roxy dashed back to the kitchen, Calliope on their heels, and Rose snickered softly at their pale faces, Jane laughing beside her.

“Hell yeah, babes, dinner is saved!” they called out from afar, and Jane stood up.

“We better start setting the table then. You don’t mind…?” she trailed off

“Oh no, helping is absolutely no problem, everything is still in place, yes?”

Dinner was quite delicious, despite the slight scorch marks here and there, but considering Roxy rarely cooked, it was wonderful. Once they had all eaten their fill, Roxy shooed them off to the living room, but asked Rose to help with the dishes, talking about getting a ‘rad sibling bonding session together!’ She wasn’t complaining, after all, a short, quiet moment with her sibling, without interruptions or other people was something she had been looking forward to all evening. They hadn’t been able to talk properly together since Earth C was created, and while Rose enjoyed the company of Jane and Calliope, she wanted her sibling for a little bit.

“I kinda wanted to talk to you alone, Rosie, sorry to drag you into cleaning up,” Roxy apologised, as they scrubbed at a pan.

“To be honest, I wanted to speak to you as well for a bit, I… I’ve missed your company,” Rose admitted quietly, and her sibling gave her a gentle smile.

They were both quiet for another moment, before Roxy spoke up again. “I’ve missed you too. Like, we’re literally siblings, sorta, but it’s like… we’ve barely seen each other recently. And… I get that’s ‘cause we’re all a bit busy and stuff, and ‘cause… well. I… I actually wanted to talk to you about that, and what you could possibly do? I really, really think you’d be the best at it.”

Rose blinked, pausing in the dry up of the freshly cleaned dishes, letting the slightly damp kitchen towel sink slightly.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I think you should be in charge of politics and shit, all the stuff Janey is currently trying to do, but… uh, not very well.”

“What?” Oh Christ. Had she really been that unbearable in her pining that Roxy had decided to give her possibly the hardest job there was?

“I love her to bits,” they continued, “but politics aren’t her forte and I think she’s started to realise that lol. But you’ve got a pretty level head and you’re really smart so I thought you could do it! Plus it would be a pretty good distraction from… well you know. So I officially declare you in charge of politics!”

“I’m doing what.”

“Rosie, out of all of us, you’re the smartest one socially _and_ intellectually!” they exclaimed, droplets of dishwater flicking into the air as they gestured enthusiastically with their hands.

“The recent disaster with my girlfriend would prove otherwise,” she pointed out dryly, but they waved her off.

“Look, you must’ve read like a bunch of books about politics!”

“Oh sure, but I’ve also read straight smut before, and I am most definitely not an expert in it.”

Roxy made a frustrated sound, waving their arms wildly despite the dripping dish still clutched in their hand. Rose grimaced and tried to avoid the droplets of dish water that was being shaken everywhere.

“Roxy, trust me, it’s really not that easy. There’s so much that has to be done it’s not even funny. We have to set up an insane amount of organisations, divisions, parties and a lot of other stuff. Different bills have to be drawn up and debated before they can be put to a vote, and that’s not even thinking about the constitution that will have to be discussed at some point. Additionally, how can we come onto an equal ground with everyone when there’s currently only one political party and that’s “fuck it, we’ll let the Gods decide”. Plus, so many programmes like welfare and healthcare have to be developed and- Stop looking at me like that.”

They were beaming in delight at her tirade, lips pulled up in a smug smirk as they set down their plate and leaned forward.

“You were saying?” they drawled out self-satisfied, and Rose’s face screwed up in annoyance.

“Just because I know the basics about politics-”

“So you admit you know some things? Look Rose, that’s like, a helluva lot more than anyone else can say. Please, we need someone to do it and… you’re our best option.”

Fuck, what could she say to that?

“Fine. Fine! I’ll do it, but if I think it’s too much or I’m fucking things up then I’ll stop it immediately and go join… John or something. I can’t risk a shitty political climate and government simply because I didn’t know when to quit or was absolutely clueless and made things worse,” she sighed out, and stumbled when Roxy launched themselves at her, slightly wet arms being thrown around her neck in gratitude.

“Oh thank you, thank you, Rosie, I knew you could do it, you’re gonna do a great job, I know it!” they babbled on, and she couldn’t stop the fond smile growing on her face.

“Yes, yes, I am wonderful and you should simply bow down to your lesbian overlord immediately,” she chuckled out, and Roxy tipped their head back and laughed loudly, before letting her go.

“God, you’re just like DiStri, it’s amazing. Anyway, we’ve fucked around enough, so let’s finish these dumb dishes and eat our fuckin’ weight in candy and popcorn, ya got that?”

“I believe you’ve read my mind, Roxy dearest.”

Beneath the humour and joy however, the gentle weight of anxiety and worry settled further in her chest, quiet tendrils reaching further within. She wondered if she could really do this, if she wasn’t going to screw this up in some spectacular way and fuck up any chance of a peaceful coexistence.

But Roxy reached over to flick her with dirty dish water, and the thoughts were forcibly chased away with a whip of her tea towel.

For now at least.

-

Rebuilding was slow in the spring, filled with days of them trying to alchemise vital objects and resources, and getting absolute shit in return. They had more Grist than they could ever use up, but it was demoralising to go another day without the safety and security of a town, of a rebuilt civilisation for the descendants they would create with the Ectobiology Lab. The group was split up, each person trying to fulfill their duties as much as they could, but the lack of progress had threaded tension in everyone, frustration and annoyance starting to lace people’s words.

There was a sense of desperation within the group, of impatience and anxiety, each one trying to complete their part as quickly as possible, just to be safe, just to make sure. The Carapacians were invaluable in their help, but there was only so much they could do. They easily took over building and farming, but complicated systems of power, electricity, government, and security were left in the teenagers’ own hands. Dirk and Roxy had taken over the need to produce energy and electricity, with Calliope keeping them company as they worked. Jake, Jade and John had left with the sprites to go explore the rest of the world, to find other potential building and farming sites.

Jane and her father were in charge of cooking and making sure the farming was coming along well, as well as designing the future structure of the economy. Karkat and Dave had been tasked in keeping an eye on the Mayor and helping him develop a system of government and society, though from what she saw, they mainly just played silly games, while Rose herself and the Prospitian Monarch, or PM as she preferred to be called, took over. Terezi sat outside everyday and waited, head facing the sky despite her blindness, a sense of desperate longing lingering around her, though sometimes she would join Rose and the PM in their discussions to represent the trolls.

And Kanaya… Kanaya was still gone, still off on her journey to complete an obsolete quest for a finished game, their argument still lingering between them. Texts were few and calls even rarer, both busy with their respective duties of ensuring that there was a future for them to return to, and so the loneliness prevailed, coarse and hollow within Rose’s chest. She missed Kanaya with an ache that left her gasping, regret and longing swirling in her mind each night. Everyone was exhausted at the end of the day, meal times mainly silent or alone depending on how many people decided to take a break for the day. It didn’t happen often.

It was strange to feel so disconnected from everyone after spending three years in close proximity with so many of them and she couldn’t stop the isolation that welled up within her, the distance that seemed to gape between her and the rest. She was the only one working without one of the others, without the comfort of a familiar face or friend. The Prospitian Monarch was kind, but they barely knew each other and only worked together for the sake of the future.

Rose almost felt ten again, alone in a house too big for two people, waiting for her mother to come home, for her friends to message her, for the loneliness to finally go away. And yet, even when there had been someone there, she had never been able to stop the creeping sense of being solitary, detached from the world, from the people around her. She had hated it then, and hated it now. She had never been the most sociable, but she had enjoyed the brief opportunity on the meteor to choose when she wanted company, rather than wait for it to come along.

And now… Now she was waiting again. Discussing healthcare and job opportunities, insurance and welfare, permits and education day in and day out, with someone she barely knew. The jealousy that rose within her at the sight of the others, working together, being together, was ugly and bitter, but it only seemed to grow alongside the gaping pit within her chest each day. Rose was angry at herself, furious that she had reverted back to the little girl desperate for attention that she used to be. She thought she was past that, thought she had grown beyond petty things like this.

(Because it was oh so familiar. The apathy, the unwillingness to get up, to continue, to interact, to actually solve the loneliness and unhappiness. A distant memory in the form of an office, twelve years old, sitting next to her mother in plush chairs, as a woman carefully explained what depression was.

The irony had never been lost on her, and yet she treasured that memory.

It was the only time she could remember her mother fully sober, fully lucid, fully attentive. A warm hand holding hers, a perfumed hug, tears in rose coloured eyes as her mother promised for things to be better. For her to be better.

Too bad it hadn’t lasted.)

Things started to change by summer, once Roxy and Dirk figured out how to produce electricity, and like a catalyst, everything sped up. They began making blueprints for power lines, wind turbines, solar panels, discussed with other Carapacians and the returned Jake and Jade about the best places to install them. The farms began to bloom, vegetables and fruits and berries sprouting and growing in the slowly changing season. Scattered houses became villages, then towns, before the looming skeleton of a city was soon in the works. Schools and markets sprung up alongside the tentative economy that started to grow. They had done it, somehow, had managed to achieve the beginnings of a civilisation, of a future for themselves and their descendants, for the people who would live here for generations to come.

And Kanaya still had not returned.

-

“And so, I believe we could come up with a functional system of apprenticeship for those who do not wish to complete higher education. It would produce more job opportunities and allow for specialisation within specific areas, as well as guaranteeing a steady source of income for many citizens. Seer Rose, what would be your opinion on this? Do you believe it feasible?”

She wanted to weep in boredom, that was her opinion. God, who knew bureaucracy could be so mind numbingly boring, tedious and ridiculous. Why the hell had she accepted to work on this? Dragging up a polite smile, Rose shuffled her papers.

“Madam Monarch, I believe that such a system would be significantly beneficial, however, a wider variety of work needs to become available before we could implement it.”

God, politics were boring. Her gaze drifted out of the window of the half-constructed Town Hall, and she found herself watching Roxy and Calliope mess with the Alchemiter outside, Dirk fumbling with a box of wires, making them laugh when he finally dropped it. Rose swallowed harshly, trying to push down the longing and jealousy clawing up her throat. Trying to pull her eyes away, she spotted Dave and Karkat tossing the Mayor in the late summer air, delight written clearly on their faces as he scrambled to be thrown again.

Her mouth tasted bitter, and she dragged her sight away, only to find PM looking at her expectantly, while the other Carapacians and Jane stared at her curiously. Rose felt heat rise to her cheeks, hands clenching into fists beneath the table.

“My apologies, I was distracted. Could you repeat yourself?” she gritted out, and PM gave her a gentle look.

“Perhaps it would be best if we rejoined in an hour or so. It’s a beautiful day outside and I believe a small break would benefit us all,” she said kindly, shuffling the papers in her hands, signalling the end of the session. For a moment it was silent, before a low murmur of voices swept through the hall, and the members of the board began to stand up and shove papers away in small, comical suitcases.

She watched Terezi slowly stand up and shuffle off to the side, papers clutched like a lifeline to her chest. Rose sat there and swallowed harshly, fists still clenched beneath the table, before she forced her legs to move and stand herself up, arms jerkily moving towards her own pack. The soft sound of heels approaching her made her turn to look at Jane, her dove grey suit cutting an imposing, yet friendly figure. Her father hovered slightly behind her, before she turned around and gave a petulant glare. He smiled fondly, leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead, before wandering after the PM.

Jane had become something of a friend to her over the months, mutual boredom and frustration at the achingly slow pace of the board causing them to meet together for coffee and bitch about the dumb fuck who was blocking one bill for some reason or other. The companionship was desperately welcomed, especially as the months dragged on and any sign of Kanaya returning still refused to appear.

“You okay there Rose? It’s been a heavy meeting, God knows I started to daydream several times, hoo hoo hoo!” she chuckled out heartily, and Rose gave a weak smile.

“Something like that. I’m… alright. Just missing Kanaya that’s all.” Jane’s eyes became softer, and she reached out to place a warm hand over hers.

“Yeah, I… I can’t imagine. It’s been, what, four, five months? Phone calls don’t… really cut it I’m guessing,” she said kindly, and Rose nodded.

“It’s closer to six, but yes. It’s… been a while. I find myself worried and… well, it doesn’t matter. She should be back soon enough. Do you wish to get some coffee with me?” she asked, quickly changing the subject. Jane gave her a knowing smile, but agreed nonetheless.

“Forget politics, obtaining coffee has definitely been our best achievement. Goodness knows where I would be without it! Or Roxy for that matter, hoo hoo hoo! Speaking of him, you must come and visit us all again some time! Roxy misses you quite desperately. He’s been complaining about it quite loudly, and Calliope would be delighted to see you again. I think they’re both annoyed that I’m the only one who sees you!” She spoke in a steady stream, easily carrying Rose alongside her in conversation, and she was grateful for it.

“I’ll see if I can stop by for dinner tonight, but I still need to look over the Apprenticeship Proposal, as well as Bishop Fianchetto’s proposal for his Carapacian Flanking Bill, and what the hell that means.”

It was easy to fall into work talk, and they soon found themselves quietly complaining about the confusing terms the Carapacians insisted they use or discussing the newest proposals and whether they would succeed or not. It was nice to talk to someone, but Rose still found a part of her wishing that work wasn’t the only thing they could talk about, that she could open up about the gnawing loneliness that constantly hooked itself into her chest, that she could force herself to reach out and just… talk about something else.

She missed people. She hadn’t had a spare moment to talk to anyone properly outside of Jane and while Rose had known that this job would be difficult, that it would be time consuming, she hadn’t expected it to take up every spare morsel of free time she had. For fuck’s sake, she barely had time to talk to her siblings, to her old friends. Even late night chats with Kanaya had to be cut off after a short while because she was either too exhausted to talk or still needed to read yet another treatise.

It had caused a strange rift between her and everyone else, a distance she absolutely hated but still couldn’t bridge, not without putting the stack of work she needed to go through on the back burner. And she had promised herself that she would do the best job, that she would make sure she didn’t screw up and create a horrible political rift. Rose couldn’t do that to Roxy, to everyone, not when they had all worked so hard to build up a new civilisation.

After an hour was up, they slowly wandered back to the meeting room and sat for another two hours debating other parts and difficulties to the Apprenticeship Bill, before finally being released for the warm summer evening. Despite the gentle heat however, Rose could spot a few clouds in the distance, heavy and dark, predicting future rain and wind. Intellectually, she knew she should head back home, if not because of the rain, then because of amount of work she had to do, but something caught her movement, forced her away from her home and into the direction of the forest. A slow drizzle started to weep from the sky, and suddenly there was a buzzing energy in her veins, a desperate need to run, run, run. Her legs were moving, quick, quick, quicker, forcing her to dart beneath the canopy of trees drooping above her head.

And just as quickly as it came, the energy disappeared into nothingness, and the brief hint of joy and excitement she felt faded into a familiar hollowness. A small splash of rain wriggled its way through the cracks in the leaves and planted itself against her cheek, and she breathed. In the distance, she saw a small smear of white, pale and bleached against the dark of the forest. Slowly, she drifted towards it.

It was John.

It was strange to see him again, to see this older and different John, despite their conversation on the lilypad. He seemed… content, these days, but as she stumbled upon him underneath the trees, curled up and weeping, she knew he had been pretending. A part of Rose wanted to run away, wanted to pretend she never saw anything, wanted to curl up and hide herself. But she was tired of doing that, and she wanted her friend back. Wanted to get to know this new John. Wanted someone, just anyone. So she let herself sit down next to him, took out her knitting needles hidden amongst piles of paperwork and waited, let him cry out the pain and anguish he had forced himself to hide.

The rain continued to fall, the gentle patter of before slowly becoming heavier and harsher, a quiet torrent on the leaves above their heads.

“Rose?” he choked out, voice hoarse and panicked, and she hummed softly, needles clicking alongside the drops of rain. “What are you doing here?”

He sounded… young and old at the same time, still that 13 year old boy she knew, but didn’t know anymore. Not really. It was sad to see how far they’ve drifted, the four of them, but the heavy emptiness in her chest and shortage of time continually stopped her from approaching, from trying to fix things.

“Just taking a walk,” she said neutrally, because she didn’t want to startle him, but she didn’t want to let him know that she had been in the same position as him before. It was selfish of her, to keep that to herself when she had just watched John cry privately. But the guilt was swallowed by the apathy and the desire to… be close to another person.

“Oh. I’m… sorry to interrupt it, I can go,” he started to say, uncurling himself to stand up and she panicked, reached out to stop him because God she didn’t want to be alone again, didn’t want John to be alone right now.

“No. Stay.” It sounded like a demand, but she couldn’t stop the pleading tone bleed through, couldn’t hide the desperation in her voice. He froze, hesitated for a moment, but sat back down. The panic smoothed down, but she could feel the awkwardness on the edge, the uncertainty of what to say.

“Is… Was there something you wanted to talk about?” he croaked out, eyes still red even as he wiped the remaining tears away, shame and hesitance written on his face.

“I just…” The words didn’t come easily, and it grated to see how her eloquence had fallen away, but she didn’t want him to leave. Couldn’t let him leave.

“We haven’t spoken in a while,” she said lamely instead. It was weak, even to her, but John nodded slowly.

“I guess. Everyone’s just been busy, I suppose.”

“Do… do you want to talk about-?” she began to ask, but was quickly cut off by his darkening face.

“I’m really not in the mood to be psychoanalysed, Rose,” he bit out hotly, and she felt like she had been hit. She had stopped doing that years ago, had stopped after talking properly to Dave about Bro and Mom and realising that it was a flawed defensive mechanism. But John didn’t know that. He still saw the 13 year old Rose Lalonde, psychoanalysing everyone’s insecurities for fun.

(She had wanted to impress people, had wanted to get closer and know them more, but in the end she just pushed them away.

She had wanted to understand herself as well.)

“I don’t really do that anymore.” Her response was quiet, but she couldn’t keep the hurt out of her voice. His lip trembled, shoulders hunching up as he crossed his arms.

“How was I supposed to know? Like you said, we don’t really talk. None of us talk,” he muttered bitterly, voice watery and defensive, and it was such a small thing, such a small, stupid thing, yet the divide it highlighted was glaringly wide. He didn’t know her anymore, and Rose barely knew him.

“We could talk now,” she blurted out, and surprise bloomed across his face, before wariness crept in. She swallowed harshly, the guilt she had tried to shove away before slowly returning. How badly had their friendship been broken?

“Why? Why now? Is it because I was crying? Because I feel like shit?” The vitriol in John’s words made her want to flinch, but Rose couldn’t stop her own reply from bubbling up and spilling out.

“I miss you. We… all of us used to be so close and now I just… God I feel so fucking lonely John. All I do all day is work and do paperwork and… I miss Kanaya so much that it hurts, I miss you and Jade and Dave and I’m just so tired of feeling lonely.”

She cringed as she said it, as John’s face dropped from wary to outraged, fists clenching and fury blazing in his eyes

“You feel lonely? You feel lonely? You’ve got Kanaya and Dave and Dirk and Roxy, how the fuck can you be lonely?!” He hissed out, face screwed up and furious, hot tears pouring down his face.

“At least you have your family, at least you’ve still got them, because I have fucking nothing Rose,” he cried out, “the Game took everything from me! It took my dad, took my friends, took away my entire timeline! I watched all of you die, you all left me alone before the Game glitched and brought me here! But I can barely talk to Dave without Karkat coming along, don’t know what to say to Jade because her actual brother fucking died, and you just avoid everyone except your girlfriend!

“And then the Game taunts me with Jane’s dad, who looks exactly like mine, except he’s not! He barely knows me, doesn’t know how to act around me and it fucking hurts! Why does Jane get to keep her dad?! Why couldn’t I keep mine?!” He was openly sobbing again, voice cracking through the anger as he fell back to the floor and buried his head in his hands.

“Why couldn’t I have just died with everyone else?” It was a small whisper, quickly lost to the wind, but Rose heard him. How had she not noticed? How had she missed something as big as this?

Cold fear gripped her heart, and before she realised it she was lurching towards him and clutching him tightly in her arms, and for once, he didn’t fight back, didn’t try to shove her away as she held onto him like a lifeline.

“Because we love you,” she said hoarsely, “we love you John, even if we’re shit at showing it, and we should show it more, but God, we love you.”

“You’re not even my Rose,” he sobbed, “none of you are my friends, not really.”

“But we are!” she exclaimed desperately, fingers tangling in his shirt. “Even if we weren’t together those three years, we still… we were still friends before that, and we’re still your friends now, we simply went through different things!”

She placed her hands on his shoulders, gripping him tightly as he wept alongside the rain. They were both fairly wet at his point, but neither of them noticed, neither of them cared, not now, not like this.

“So much has changed! Nothing… Nothing is the same, and I just-! Fuck, Rose, what the hell do I do now?” His voice became quieter, hoarse and lost, and she wanted to sob at the defeat in his tone. “I go exploring with Jade and Jake, and they get on so well, and I feel so… awkward to interrupt, so I’m basically useless on all of those trips. They’re both so used to it and I’m… I’m just me. Stupid, idiotic, useless John. And then I go back with them to that fucking can house and I’m all alone while everyone’s palling up and- ”

“Come stay with me then,” she interrupted quickly, “we can keep each other company, even for a few days or however long you need, but John- I don’t want you alone right now. Please.” Her voice was pleading, desperately gentle and quiet, and she watched as he slumped.

“Are you sure?” he croaked out. “I don’t… I…”

“I’m sure. I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t and… it would do us both good, I think.” She didn’t want to scare him away, didn’t want to push him into a choice he would resent, but… God she was lonely. And she desperately wanted to get to know John again, wanted to talk to Jade again, to Dave and everyone else. How long had it been since she last spoke to Jade properly? They should have been so close, but… the distance that stretched between them seemed as large as the rift between her and John. And Dirk, fuck, she hadn’t spoken to her ecto-father in ages, had enjoyed the small slivers of conversation they had held before, but… she didn’t know him. Not really.

After a moment of hesitation, John nodded slightly, and Rose quickly bundled him up and slowly led him out of the forest, clothes soaking wet against their skin, hair plastered to their heads, and John’s glasses so smudged it was a wonder he could see anything through them. She quietly took him back to her place, pulled out towels and blankets and dry clothing they could both wear, and pushed him towards the shower.

“It should help warm you up. We shouldn’t get a cold from this.” We can’t get a cold from this, was whispered beneath the words, neither of them could throw a spanner in the tightly organised schedule Roxy and Karkat had come up with, not without further delaying… everything. John stumbled into the bathroom, and Rose sank to her knees and gripped her face, hot tears of disgust and misery leaking across her already damp skin.

“Fuck,” she whispered hotly, “fuck.”

This… this was huge, and she wasn’t sure if she had the means to help John, not properly. He had clear signs of depression, survivor’s guilt, suicidal ideation, probably PTSD, and it was obviously a lot worse than any of the others’. Sure, Rose had a few nightmares and had some nights where she felt so on edge she could barely move, where she huddled into a corner with her wands, waiting for something, anything to attack-

But she had the feeling John’s was worse. It wasn’t a pissing contest of who was traumatised the most, but John would have different triggers or coping mechanisms than Rose, would have different difficulties and trauma, and despite how much she pretended when she was a younger, she wasn’t a therapist. Fuck, she… she couldn’t do this alone. With trembling hands she grabbed her phone and dialed a number, praying, begging to whatever higher power there was beyond them for her to respond.

“Hello?” An achingly gorgeous voice said, and Rose wanted to weep further.

“Kanaya,” she gasped out quietly, and she could almost hear the worried creak of her girlfriend gripping the phone tightly, could practically see her biting her lip in fretful panic.

“Rose? Rose, is everything alright? Beloved, please, tell me what is wrong?” Kanaya slowly bled into Alternian, the accented English fading into the chirping tones of her lover’s mother tongue, and Rose’s heart ached in furious longing.

“I have... John with me, oh Kanaya, he’s a mess, he… he needs help and I- I’m not sure-!” She cut herself off, forced herself to take a shuddering breath, and calm down. “Kanaya, I… I just don’t know what to do.”

There was a silence between them, and for a terrifying moment, she thought she had hung up, or been disconnected, but soon a smooth sigh broke the quiet terror apart.

“Oh my love,” she whispered mournfully, “I wish I could be there to help you, but for now, this shall have to do. Have you contacted anyone else yet? His hatchmates or ancestor? Otherwise, I remember speaking to the Prospitian Monarch about social programmes, as I’m going to need her help and organisation later on to raise the Mothergrub, and she mentioned a programme for traumatised Carapacians? Because of that war they had, you see, so perhaps…?”

Rose wanted to weep in relief, and the tension in her body slowly leaked out.

“Kanaya, my love, you’re a genius. I adore you, have I told you that recently? I completely forgot that they had therapists, I can call them up later and see if there are any options, God, Kanaya, thank you. I love you so much.”

There was a stunned pause, before her girlfriend gushed back, just as intensely.

“Oh, Rose, beloved, it’s no problem at all, if the Matriorb was not at such a critical stage I would rush back immediately to hold you in my arms and help you, but… I’m so sorry, Rose. I feel like I’ve abandoned you. I know things have been difficult lately, but please know that I love you so very much as well.”

“No, I… I understand more now. You had to do this and I’m so sorry I wasn’t more understanding about it before, I didn’t… I didn’t understand but now… I’m sorry, Kanaya. I’m so sorry I wasn’t more supportive,” she whispered gently into the receiver, love pouring into the hollowness that had occupied her before, a warm, soft feeling that left her breathless.

“You couldn’t have known, my love. These things… they are… ah, convoluted? Is that the word?” Kanaya switched back to her beautiful English, tongue quietly tripping over the unfamiliar sounds, and Rose couldn’t stop her fond smile.

“You know, you don’t have to speak English, I’m perfectly happy talking to you in any language.”

“Ah, but Rose my darling,” Kanaya’s voice pitched lower, “you know I love it when you teach me new things.”

Rose shivered, face heating up in a longing blush, before she shook her head quickly.

“Oh, you do know how to rile me so,” she muttered smoothly, “but I have John in the next room and quite a lot of paperwork to do, so… this shall have to wait until you return.”

Kanaya laughed warmly, and Rose felt her heart swell up, a sappy smile spreading across her face.

“You know how to tempt me, my beloved, and I hope to make a quick return to your side.” Kanaya’s voice softened again, switching back to her smooth Alternian, and she whispered gently, “I wish to see you soon, Rose. Every day away from you is… difficult. I love you so very much, and being apart makes my bloodpusher ache.”

“Oh, Kanaya, I miss you too. So much, it’s… been painful without you. And with work piling up, I haven’t been able to talk as much and… God I love you so much.”

“Soon, my dearest. Soon, I promise. I need to leave now, but promise me you will call again, no matter what? I’ll try to respond as quickly as possible.”

“I will, don’t worry. I’ve been a bit of a fool lately, and I think it’s in my best interest to change that. I’ll see if I can call you later, yes? Goodbye, darling Kanaya. I love you.”

“I love you too, my sweet Rose. I’ll talk to you soon.”

With a heavy sigh, Rose hung up the phone, and forced herself to stand. She was still in freezing cold clothes, but the warmth from her conversation with Kanaya hadn’t faded yet, still bathing her in the gentle glow of love and adoration. She felt light for the first time in months, she couldn’t feel the swallowing void that usually lingered in her chest, instead it was filled in by a swelling warmth that cleared her mind and forced her to sit straight, sit proudly. She quickly glanced at the time on her phone and sighed in relief. It wasn’t too late, hopefully she could book an appointment now.

John finally stepped out of the shower after she had spoken to a kind receptionist who had happily written them down for Friday lunchtime, a session for John and a session for her, because well… they all needed therapy. It was strange to see John in a pair of her old sweatpants and a loose shirt she had pilfered from Dave, but she easily beckoned him over to sit at their couch.

“John, here’s what we’re going to do,” she said with a confidence she hadn’t felt since Kanaya left, “I know it seems scary and strange, but I’ve made an appointment with a therapist. For both of us, because… I can’t help you by myself, fuck, I can barely help myself right now. So we’re going to try therapy for a bit. Just a few sessions. Please.”

He looked like he wanted to protest, blank eyes springing to life with an argument, but he hesitated, sighed and slumped back into the sofa.

“Okay,” he muttered after a while, “if you think it could help, then okay.”

She leaned over and gave him a grateful hug, soft tears in her eyes.

“Thank you.”

-

The heat of the summer slowly waned into the quiet warmth of autumn, blooming green leaves fading into a rustic golden red. With every month that passed, Rose felt her chest get lighter. The first therapy appointment was… hard. There was no other word for it, but the weekly sessions allowed her to talk about the crippling loneliness and apathy that had gripped her before. She was able to pour out the poison and slowly start to heal. It was obviously a difficult and turbulent process, and not everything could easily be fixed with a session, but things were getting easier. She was less tired, let herself relax more and refrained from working herself to the bone every evening with paperwork and proposals. She called Kanaya every day, let her voice be the gleaming light on particularly bad days, used more healthy coping methods to drag herself into a crack of freedom when her chest became too empty.

John looked healthier as well, but she knew he had an even longer and harder road ahead. There was unspoken trauma and grief wrapped tightly within his core that wasn’t easily alleviated. Some days he couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t shower, eat or lift his head. His blue eyes would grow dull and she’d work from home on those days, would carefully coax him into eating, or at least, making him more comfortable. Ms. Enprise, her therapist, was a huge help in giving her tips on how to support John, and they’d had a few group sessions together to discuss their steps forward. And while there were bad days for both of them, there were good days too, where they’d go outside for a walk and chat to their friends.

John was slowly getting closer to his sister and Jake, and surprisingly, Dirk as well. Rose managed to chat a bit more with her ecto-father as well, realising why Roxy and Jane insisted they sounded so similar. It was ridiculously fun to tease him though by calling him ‘father’ and ‘daddy’ at one point, his face going an interesting shade of puce, before he simply ignored her for the rest of the day.

Things were looking up, and in October, Rose decided that she was going to take the first steps in securing the future she would like to live, the future she hoped to share with Kanaya. Obviously, the first person she told was Dave.

Rose burst through Dave and Karkat’s door, uncaring of any compromising positions they might have been in, and called out: “I’m going to propose to Kanaya when she comes back!”

“That’s gay, sis.” Dave commented, barely lifting his head from Karkat’s lap, whose clawed fingers gently carded through his hair, careful not to get tangled.

“I do desperately hope you see the irony in that statement, brother dearest,” she said dryly, and Dave shrugged.

“We’re just two guys being bros, can’t a dude lovingly run his fingers through another dude’s hair without it being gay?”

“Dave,  you’ve been dating Karkat for more than two years.”

“So? Not everything’s gotta be gay,” he grinned smugly, and she sighed.

“Dave, I literally heard you say you couldn’t help me wash the dishes at Dirk’s place because you had come down with a ‘groovy case of the gay’. And then you kissed Karkat.”

“Don’t drag me into this, Chuck’s about to propose to Cam,” Karkat growled out, fingers tangling warningly in Dave’s hair.

“You have literally watched this movie a thousand times, Karkat, but okay, we’ll keep it down,” he promised snarkily, before turning back to her. “Dirk understood, why can’t you Rose?”

“He gave you a fist bump and then kicked your ass out of your seat,” she pointed out, repressing the urge to kick him out of his current seat when shrugged again at her. Instead, she plonked herself into the free arm chair and watched in fascinated disgust as Dan Fogler found Dane Cook’s gag sex tape. The credits began to roll, and she tipped her head to look at the other couple, the jealousy that normally arose at the sight of them no longer as heavy and bitter. Ms. Enprise was truly an excellent therapist.

“So, now that that delight is over, you were saying you’re gonna propose to Kanaya?” Dave asked rhetorically, before grinning widely at her curt nod. “Does she even know what a wedding is? Like, not to be xenophobic babe, but you guys didn’t really hold cute ceremonies of love and shit if I recall correctly. It would probably have turned into a kill fest, or something.”

“We didn’t, no, what an astute and vaguely racist observation, asshole. But I’m sure Kanaya knows what the fuck a wedding is, we’ve watched movies about that shit before,” he said pointedly, and Dave blushed. Rose took great delight in her brother’s apparent embarrassment, smiling smugly when Karkat threw his head back to wink slyly at her. Teasing Dave was an excellent bonding tool.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll get around it at some point, but we can’t fucking steal Rose’s thunder, darling, it just ain’t done. That’s the biggest fucking faux pas in the world.”

“Karkat is correct however. We’ve watched… ‘Good Luck Chuck’ before with you two, while we were on the Meteor.” And holy shit, what a clusterfuck that had been. Kanaya had watched it in half confused curiosity and disgusted fascination, while Dave hadn’t been able to look either of them in the eyes for the next two days. It had been absolutely awful, but completely worth it. Any time she suggested they watched it together again, Dave rushed to argue otherwise, and it had become somewhat of a game between her and Karkat.

“So what’s the problem then?” Dave asked, and she shrugged.

“I don’t know how? I don’t know when? Do I get a ring? Do I just… freestyle it? God, what if she says no? What the fuck do I do then?” Her voice started to become strangled, hands trembling gently, but with a quick shuffle, Dave darted towards her side and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t be stupid, Rose, Kanaya is just as much as a sap as you, and holy shit does that woman love you. The two of you were basically made for each other,” he muttered soothingly, and Karkat’s gravelly voice chimed in.

“Dave’s surprisingly right, Lalonde, I know Kanaya and I know she’s as red as red can be for you, it’s really fucking sappy and gross. You know she calls me sometimes, just to talk on and on and fucking on about how beautiful and gorgeous you are, like shit, she can just call you instead of forcing me to choke on the amount of red hoofbeastshit she shovels down the receiver.”

“Thank you for that delightful imagery, Karkat. Truly, that was exactly what I wanted to picture today,” she said dryly, but her face heated up at his long-suffering words, and already the tension began to leak away. “Thank you, both of you.”

“We barely fucking did anything,” Karkat grumbled, but a small smile spread onto his face. “Just treat her right, like I know you already do.”

“I can keep an eye out for some sweet ass rings sis, so you can count on my eagle eye getting you the best fucking engagement ring in the world, I’m gonna pounce like a goddamn crow on that good shit, like ‘caw caw motherfuckers, it’s time for these funky lesbians to get gay married’!” Dave crowed, and Rose buried her face into her hands, shoulders shaking in laughter.

“Okay, okay, I’ll leave it in your capable hands, Dave, but I reserve the right to veto any shitty choices you may make.”

Her brother began to loudly protest the fact that he would choose any shitty ring, entangling his boyfriend into a heated debate about what sort of rings could be seen as ‘really fucking good’ or ‘a flaming bag of hoofbeastshit’, at which point Rose decided it was time to make her leave. She wrapped Dave into a tight hug at the door, after Karkat practically pried him away from the argument to force him into being a “courteous fucking host so they could have some illusion of civility, despite his own lack of it”. Dave squeezed her back, just as tightly, and she let out a content sigh.

“I’m happy for you, Rose. You looked so miserable and unhappy before but now… it’s good to see you like this,” he said warmly, and she held him tighter.

“Thank you,” she whispered, “it’s been hard and I know I’ve been a bit unbearable at times but… you’re a great brother, Dave.”

They released each other after another beat, Dave smiling cheerfully, contrasting her own small smile.

“Oh yeah, and… thanks for helping John. I was missing him but he seemed so sad and distant… It’s not an excuse, I know but I just…. Didn’t know what to do. So thank you for being there when I was too cowardly to do so,” he said in a rush, before adding on, “Make sure to remind him that we’re still on for movie night tomorrow, yeah?”

She nodded gently, and patted his shoulder.

“He was in a dark place, Dave, and while maybe we could have done more to help, ultimately he needed therapy. It’s okay to not know what to do. You’re here for him now, visibly, and that’s doing wonders.”

Dave released a small sigh, his lanky body loosening slightly.

“Yeah, a dude just can’t help but feel guilty, yanno? Anyway, I better get back to Karkat, and you gotta go fucking ring shopping. Let me know if you find anythin’ and I’ll do the same for you, sis.”

“Will do. Bye, Dave, I’ll see you on Saturday for the family dinner. Bye, Karkat!” she called out from the front door, and Karkat responded with a muffled shout. She gave her brother a grin and a soft shove, before turning away and heading towards the small town that had recently been built.

She had a ring to find.

-

It was already evening, the sweet scent of spring drifting into the house through the open windows, and Rose gave a quiet sigh. The house was eerily silent without John there, his former exuberance having slowly returned week by week, filling the rooms with laughter and sounds. He had moved out barely two weeks ago after deciding it would be best for him to try and become more independent, but still connected to his friends and family. He managed to find a small flat close to Jade and Jake’s house, while still in the vicinity of Dirk’s own workshop and her home, allowing for any of them to quickly check in on him if he was having a bad day, or wasn’t responding. John had adamantly refused a larger place, claiming a smaller area would limit the loneliness, and she’d conceded the truth to that statement.

While she had been overjoyed to see him take the next step of recovery, a part of her felt off kilter, unused to the quietness that had plagued her more than half a year before. She put her book down and pushed herself off from the sofa. Slowly padding over to a chest of drawers, she reached inside and pulled out her small box of hopes and dreams. Rubbing her fingers over the velvety case of (hopefully) Kanaya’s engagement ring had become somewhat of a calming exercise, reminding her both of the promise she made to herself and Kanaya’s own promise of return.

She just had to be patient. She would wait a thousand years if it meant finally seeing her beloved again, if it meant she could wrap her up in her arms and hold her tightly. A year meant nothing to that. It was nothing, no matter the quiet ache in her chest. She took in a deep breath, and released it, forcing herself to let go of the nervous tension and quiet anxiety.

There was a knock on the door, and Rose hastily shoved the box into a pocket on her sweatpants, before shoving on a cardigan to hide her slightly tattered shirt.

“Coming!” she yelled out, trying to wrestle her hair into less of a mess by tying it up into a bun, before she finally arrived at her door and flung it open.

“Hello, sorry for the wait, how can I-”

She froze as a gorgeously warm laugh cut her off, gentle hands coming to rest on her shoulders and tug her close.

“Kanaya?” she whispered softly, and Kanaya’s bright smile answered her. Her hair looked greasy, one horn was chipped, and she was the most beautiful being Rose had ever seen.

“Hello, beloved,” Kanaya murmured back, accented English chiming like bells in the quiet spring wind. “It has been a while, yes?”

Rose let out a disbelieving chuckle, before laughing outright, hands cupping her lover’s face and pulling her close for a kiss, a desperate, longing, joyful kiss, conveying the both the sorrow and cheer she had been through in her absence. Kanaya kissed her just as deeply, hands fluttering down to rest around her waist, holding her flush against her significantly taller body.

“You’ve grown,” she exclaimed, pulling away slightly to look over the new height her girlfriend sported. Kanaya giggled nervously, tugging at her too-small clothes self-consciously.

“Yes, I began my adult… ah... growth? My adult growth in November,” she explained, and Rose grabbed her close for another kiss.

“You look beautiful,” she whispered between breaths, and delighted in the gorgeous jade flush that Rose simply had to kiss further. “God I love you.”

“I love you so much, Rose,” Kanaya murmured against her skin, “you have no idea how much I missed you, I… It was too long, far too long, and I don’t believe I can bear to be apart from you for that long again.”

Rose pulled away with a gasp, lips curling into an excited smile as she fumbled with the pocket of her sweatpants.

“Good thing I have a proposition to prevent that,” she said breathlessly, eyes still caught disbelievingly on the beauty that was her girlfriend. Finally gripping the box with sweaty hands, she dropped down clumsily to one knee and pried the case open, presenting a delicate silver band with gleaming emeralds placed like tiny leaves across the band, as dots of diamond glittered in the fading sun as though they were dew. While it had cost a decent amount, it wasn’t anything as ridiculous as the price she would have had to pay on Earth, not when Carapacians found less value in jewels and gemstones than humans did.

Kanaya pause, jade eyes wide open in shock and hesitant joy, as she quietly reached out to flutter her fingers across the band.

“Rose?”

“Kanaya, I’ve been thinking about asking you this for… a long time. Before you left even. I can’t… I can’t imagine being with anyone except you. I can’t imagine being without you period. You’ve taught me such joy and love, and the warmth you bring into my life chases the darker days away. I want to grow old with you, I want to wake up in the morning and see your face, I want to accompany you through both the good and bad days, I want us to argue and make up, I want to be with you no matter what. Which… sounds really corny, but I mean it. God, do I mean it. I love you so much it hurts, so please, will you marry me-?”

“Yes, Rose, yes, a thousand times yes, I could never say anything except yes!” Kanaya wept, kneeling down alongside her and pulling her in for a deep kiss, box all but forgotten to the side. She would put the ring on her later, afterwards, but for now…

For now Rose kissed her fiancée, and finally felt at peace.


End file.
